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June 18, 2005
Young Pussies Hammered By Cock-a-Doodle-Doos
Who lives at Skilled Stadium under the Hickey Stand? Catbob Trackpants. That’s right folks a strange lady now haunts the Hickey Stand, possibly lives under it and has lots of Cats. She doesn’t come out very often but she did today. And I can see why she doesn't come out very often... she talks like a Crow.
Catbob tracksuit pants is a wrinkly old foe, cannot hit the fence in tune with the Chant Guy (although many cannot) and randomly says 'Go Cats' in a crow type chortling sound. We had the privilege, or lack of perhaps, of sitting near this strange lady, and given she was weird decided to start an urban myth about this godforsaken woman and her crow like voice.
Catbob Trackpants lives under the Hickey Stand with about 30 Cats, they are her only friends. Even the Chant Guy was laughing at her. She is one strange cookie. You may have heard about the crazy old hag who lived in Moorabool Street in the house with the enormous hedge, she may have actually lived in the hedge, but since the fire burnt out the hedge she has had to move on and has taken up squatting under the Hickey Stand. People in the Hickey Stand be warned: She likes apples so do not leave them unattended during games. She will send her minion Cats to fetch them.
Anyway despite being mesmerised and slight grossed out by Catbob Trackpants, I did manage to watch a game of footy. A strong wind from the word go made the Hickey Stand end the advantage end, but with all 3 emergencies not playing (perhaps a sign for tomorrow) and with so many top up players some were not even VFL listed, the young and inexperienced Cats were going to be up against it from the word go.
They looked okay in the first despite kicking to the city end, but some absolute dodgy kicking from Nick Batchelor lead to easy chances not being converted. (this boy is so soft he wouldn’t even run hard into the wind) The Roosters didn’t waste chances and opened up a tidy gap at quarter time. The skills displayed in the first quarter reminded me of the aftermath of when I ate uncooked cake mix with off milk in it, no not runny, but crap! And it was the players you would expect to hit targets, James Byrne, Paul Kantkickaritious and Kane Tenace. Matthew McCarthy was impressive early marking strongly across
half forward and played another terrific game, making sure after Charlie Gardiner and Andrew Mackie put in donkey games this week they will not be rewarded with another chance.
In the absence of Tom Lonergan, that man Ablett stepped up to play his best game for the Cats this season at centre half back. The kid is strong, so much so he was able to win one on one contests with man mountain Stephen Jurica. His skills were again sharp and his one percenters were also terrific. The second quarter didn’t go as well as planned with the Roosters outscoring the Cats into the breeze taking a handy 20 point lead into the main break with the Chant Guy only being called upon 3 times in the half.
Desperately needing a focal point in the third term, Jarrod Garth and Matty McCarthy came to play in the 3rd, leading and marking strongly. But despite their best efforts the Cats still surrendered an extra 9 points to the margin and the chance of a revival was slim. Mark 'I cant believe he’s not butter' Blake returned to form after an uncharacteristically good game last week. His partner in crime Nick Batchelor also played poorly and another joke about how soft they are goes as follows, they are so soft they won’t hit targets. That would explain a lot. Batchelor is the worst kick on the list, while Blakey is a puny little weakling who gives away more free kicks than Cameron Mooney. Let’s see if Phat reads this...
After last week saying Koula should’ve been selected now I am at odds, as well the GFC may be. The decision to include Prismall ahead of him for the Brisbane squad may well send a few alarm bells ringing in his head, if they did he didn’t respond accordingly and everything went wrong for him today. Surfie dude Simon Clarke was a revelation at centre half back. The lad is tall, athletic has good skills and looks a player.
The Cats were valiant in the last, but an undermanned midfield and a crap ruckman taboo meant any remarkable comeback was but a pipedream. Kudos to Matty McCarthy who finished with 4 goals and was dubbed by the balding ugly runt number 2 from North Ballarat (not to be mistaken with the bald ugly number 7) Grieg as 'the worst fucking kick In Australia'. Speaking of the Kolonel kicking for goals, At half time the Kolonel showed up the city end bobby, conversation as follows..
Bobby - Hey Kent, get of the damn field!
Kolonel - Just watch me drill this straight through the middle
- Ball sails straight through from a tight angle 3/4 post high 30m out (no bull)
Kolonel - Hahaha yeeeeeaaah! You like that bobby?
Bobby - If only the real Kent could do that
Kolonel - So true
Scoreboard -
Geelong - Old Habits
North Ballarat - Take home the Biddiscombe cup
Kolonels best for the Cats - McCarthy, Garth, Buckland, Ablett, Clarke
Kolonels best for Roosters - Blake, Batchelor, Nathan 'Porn Star' Braddock.
Random player reports -
Kane Teance - He is quick and has a few runs, but doesn’t find much of the ball and seems to get stuck on the left side a lot. Disappointing to say the least.
Chant Guy - Has some strange friends, very strange. One copped a spray for taking the flag pole out the flag he uses for a windsock and as a result he didn’t have time to show the player the wind direction and they resultantly missed.
Cameron Thruley - Not his best game, but is now a class above this level.
Buckland - Found some form and was really good at spoiling leads today, which isn’t an easy thing to do. Good game.
I shall summarise the game in the loud words of James Byrne after he dropped mark, this was quite possibly the loudest F-Bomb
the Kolonel has ever heard.... FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!
North Ballarat 14.15 (99)
Geelong 10.11 (71)
Geelong Goals: M.McCarthy 4, J.Garth 2, C.Thurley, M.Spencer, J.Byrne, J.Cheep
Posted by Sammy D at June 18, 2005 07:30 PM
Comments
The Kolonel? I'm mad for him. Yeah man. Better than U2, wankers.
Posted by: Liam G at June 18, 2005 10:36 PM
"Kolonels best for Roosters - Blake, Batchelor"
GOLD. Are they going to make it into the "big league"?
Posted by: TeeEff at June 18, 2005 11:18 PM
TeeEff, Batchelor wont, Blake, might. Outlook - 'not so good'
Posted by: Kolonel at June 19, 2005 08:29 PM
Personally, I like watching lesbians go at it, but the win of the big pussy (Lions) over the little pussy (Cats) today did not arouse me one bit. The little pussy had the life sucked out of it and then took a big meaty beating. Tell me - is there enough depth in the pussy to go all the way this seasons or are we just fannying around until next year?
Posted by: Carpet Byrnes at June 19, 2005 11:12 PM
My naive mind hasnt graspt such terms as lesbians yet Carpet, but in answer to your question, Our depth was on display on Sunday due to the fact we have so many injuries and It didnt stand up.
Our VFL side has had a poor season also, both points indicating to an apparent lack of depth. I do think we have good depth with the likes of Thurley Koula Callan and Haynes playing the majority of the season in the VFL
Posted by: Kolonel at June 20, 2005 09:12 PM